2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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