If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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