oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
