A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
