Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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