my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
