their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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