Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
