I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
