Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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