Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
