dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
4 words: hood of his car
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
