I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
