I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
