he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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