so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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