Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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