I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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