A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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