So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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