I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
