I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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