The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
