Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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