Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
