They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
