My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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