I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
did you just send me my own nude
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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