You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
