Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
