i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Randomize
