spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize