garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
