I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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