Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
