Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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