Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
