im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
