i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
