He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it's like heaven, but drunker
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
