Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
