I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
