he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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