i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
