I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
