Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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