Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
