he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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