i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
home. puking in laundry basket.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
