is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
