the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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