i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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