i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
