I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have fence marks all over my body
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
