in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize