This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
