Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it's like iHOP with fire
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
