Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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