So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
