she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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