I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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